Have you ever felt so angry that you couldn’t see straight? In fact all you could see was the color red? The kind of anger where you aren’t really thinking straight and bad stuff happens when you let loose.
Do you know what the anger was really all about, where it came from? Well my friends read on while I share one of the moments in my life that I have felt this kind of anger and then what I did to move past it.
I have many moments of anger in my life, going way back to when I was a child. I am not proud of how I managed those moments. It was not until the past few years that I have been able to look at the anger and see it for what it was.
I was a person who lashed out, said things that I would regret the moment they left my mouth. Sometimes I am not even sure what the words were. Afterwards the only thing that I felt was foolish. Nothing had changed, the event had still happened and I had given my power away and the other party had all of my energy.
Recently my ex husband sent me an email telling me that I needed cease and desist from sharing my story about our divorce and to stop talking about him. I want to be really clear, we each have our own perceptions about why our marriage ended and I’m not going to go into those but never once have I mentioned his name.
When I read this email I immediately saw red, I felt that old anger come bubbling to the surface and I wanted to hurt him, lash out and take revenge.
I knew this was not the right thing to do but I couldn’t see past the emotion. That was until I reached out to my coach and he helped me to see what was really going on. Dave reminded me that anger comes fear and I needed to figure out what I was afraid of.
Dave had me write down three things that I was afraid of that very moment. After thinking for a few minutes it came to me that I was afraid that my ex would derail the trajectory of my business, that my self worth would tank and my mental health would not be far behind. When Dave asked if I had given my ex permission to do those things I said no, of course not and then the ball dropped, of course I had not given the ex any permissions to do to any of the things I had written down and all of a sudden the anger was gone.
Anger is a real emotion and I am a firm believer that we need to embrace our emotions, figure out where they come from and then release them.
When we take a pause during those moments of anger, maybe a deep breath or two and ask the question “why?” we can find where the anger is coming from, what it is attached to.
When my clients come to me with something they are angry about I have them ask why are they angry and when they get the answer ask why again, typical five or six times, when you get to the last why you will have your answer and I’m betting it is not what you thought it was.
As humans we have a variety of emotions and we should allow ourselves to feel all of them. When you are angry give yourself the grace to feel angry to let that emotion roll over you, and then away from you. Finding the reason behind the anger can allow you to move forward, take your power back, make changes in your life, and find joy.
If you liked this blog post, then check out another one of mine: Why Sex And Intimacy Are Important At Middle Age, my story about becoming suddenly single and getting back into the game.
Hope you enjoyed reading. Send me your thoughts, I'd love to hear them!
Peace, love and Joy
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